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  1. Costume

From the album Dark Songs Vol. VI

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(Jim Schwall) Performed by: Jim Schwall - guitar, bass, vocal / Dan Smrz - drums


I went out for the evening with a pocket full of pot
It was just a baggie full, really not a lot
I wasn’t sellin nothin, just lookin for some fun
And that was when I saw him with his badge and his gun
I stuffed that weed into my mouth and I began to chew
I had nothin to wash it down, so it was hard to do
I think I had it almost gone, although my teeth were green
And that was when it hit me, tonight is Halloween

He ain’t no cop, it’s just a costume
There were pirates, spooks and ghosts all around the bar room
I got a little paranoid and I ate all that pot
I didn’t check my calendar and I just plain forgot

The fishnet stockings caught my eye, she was quite a looker
She had those stripper platform shoes, she had to be a hooker
She had quite a figure if that was all really hers
Kinda hard to tell, underneath all those fake furs
I went up and asked her if she would like a drink
I killed a little time asking if that was really mink
Then I told her what I wanted and I offered fifty bucks
She spit her drink out on my shirt and kicked me in the nuts

She ain’t no hooker, it’s just a costume
There were nurses, freaks and geeks all around the bar room
I was kinda lonely and I didn’t use my head
It looks like this Halloween will not end up in bed

My balls were really hurin, and I went to the E.R.
I had to wait for hours and I peed in a jar
Back out in the waiting room with an old Newsweek
Finally saw a doctor who said let me have a peek
He said there’s nothin broke that will not heal
When he touched my nuts I couldn’t help buy squeal
I met a friendly priest, told him my sad tale
He said come with me boy, I’m taking you to jail (stop)

He weren’t no priest, it was just a costume
I wish the hell I’d never gone down to that bar room
I confessed to a priest who turned out to be a cop
Told him about soliciting and eating all that pot
I didn’t check my calendar and I just plain forgot

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